Earth - Human obsession with camels is growing at a record pace. On Monday, April 7 reports came in that the crown prince of the United Arab Emirates of Dubai has purchased a female camel for a record 2.72 million dollars.
Earth side news agencies reported no suspicion of Hell's plans, focusing instead on the nine day camel beauty pageant which opened Wednesday in the UAE capital of Abu Dhabi. As flabbergasted as the western world might be to the depth and scope of this camel interest - including the stories about using remote-controlled robot riders in place of child jockeys - they ended up focusing on the part of the festival "that aims to celebrate and preserve the region's cultural heritage".
The results will, of course, be closely monitored over the next fifty to sixty years human time. Third Class Pheromone Chemical Researcher William won the Lust Department's Demon of the Month Award recently for his contribution to this on-going project.
Hell - The Demon Daily, eternal official voice of Hell, has promoted Akira Tsu to Editor-in-Chief. Tsu replaces outgoing Editor Heinlein after a brief two month stint that saw subscriptions plummet by 62%.
"We will be taking The Demon Daily to the cutting edge of publications in Hell," said Tsu. "The Demon Daily will not only be back in digital form as an automatic uplink in your terminals, but will also be broadcast on Cranium Wave 6.341 for those of you with implants."
Tsu's statements mark a dramatic shift for The Demon Daily, which was reverted purely to a paper publication under the helm of Heinlein. Heinlein desired to "hook into the kitsch" of the archaic publication method, but readers were apathetic to his efforts. Claiming "All of you need a good jyinbetz to the head," Heinlein made his exit from The Demon Daily today via a side passage.
DNET welcomes the return of our digital brother, The Demon Daily, under the guidance of new Editor-in-Chief Akira Tsu.
Hell - Get ready for a new look! After long deliberation, Administration has finally approved extensive renovation plans for the majority of our complex.
First on the schedule are the well used and overly shabby common areas. However much we enjoy the current art-deco look we can all agree that one thousand years of it is enough! Sources inside Administration claim the new look is centered in the post-modern-Zyplst era circa Earth 3821 A.D., which should be quite a change.
Second on the schedule (and surprisingly enough) are the 3rd class demon residences for all departments. In a radical shift from standard protocol, Administration has pushed the 3rd level domiciles to a priority position, claiming, "Our 3rd Class Demons work extraordinarily hard and have been undervalued for far too long. Their residences are some of the oldest in the complex and are badly in need of repairs."
Renovations of department offices and the remaining residence spaces are also planned. However, despite several student protests, Demon University is not scheduled for repairs. University group Students Under Constant Kiptz (S.U.C.K.) responded in formal letter, stating, " The University is falling apart. Two students were injured last year when the ceiling of their dorm room collapsed. Staircase X7 has been closed because it's too dangerous to use. Our terminal uplinks are from the mid-21st century. ... [Administration] will eventually pay for this by having to deal with the upcoming graduating classes who, in all likelihood, are not ready to take their place in demon society."