rough draft of The Demon of Petty Disturbances
by K. Kylyra Ameringer
"Aha!" Dick said, a wild grin on his face. He stood up and muted the telly, yelling at DT to shut-up about it before the imp began his protest. "You see how much I've learned from you, Tronaugh," he said, beginning to pace back and forth in front of the two of them. "Do you remember what you told me four nights ago?"
Tronaugh belched and patted her full stomach. "Four nights ago? No, I don't even remember where I was four nights ago."
"You told me," he said, stopping in front of her, "that Bob shied away from dogs. That he was allergic to them."
Tronaugh's eyes went wide with wonder. "I did?" she asked.
"Yes! Don't you see it, Tronaugh? You get Mel a dog which she loves and Bob is allergic to. That'll automatically drive a wedge between them and it won't hurt anyone! Oh," Dick said with a casual wave of his hand, "Bob may suffer a few allergic reactions, maybe even get a bad case of hives - by the way, that's a good idea and keep it in mind - but no one should get seriously hurt by this. No more concussions or hospital trips, okay?"
Tronaugh was grinning at Dick. "Dick! You begin to grasp my purpose here! A fine idea! Young man," she said, getting up off the couch and farting loudly as she did so, "you would have made an excellent demon!"
Dutifully, in two days' time when Melissa came home there was a new addition to her household to welcome her. Tronaugh reported that the idea had been relatively easy to insert into Mr. and Mrs. Saunders' minds, as a nearby farmer's bitch had just had a litter of puppies. Mel instantly fell in love with the little bundle of warm fur and Tronaugh and DT were pleased with the 'boomerang effect' the puppy had on the whole household. They took their initiative with the young animal, and it had already chewed up a pair of Mr. Saunders' shoes as well as peed on the carpet a few times. "But," Tronaugh told him with a chuckle, "they think the thing's so damn cute they wouldn't dare get rid of it now! Humans!" she exclaimed, rolling her eyes.
Tronaugh and DT were also kept busy watching Bob-the-bodybuilding-boyfriend. Tronaugh reported to Dick that they had detected a slight effect of the disturbances on the young man: a rather minor cardiovascular increase.
Tronaugh told Dick that she took advantage of the situation and pulled the smallest thread from Bob's reality fabric thereby slightly constricting the blood vessels in his brain giving him mild headaches. This, she reported to Dick, was interpreted by Bob as a dehydration problem, which prompted him to drink a glass or two of water each night before heading to sleep. The increase of water intake in turn led to his need to urinate in the middle of the night. Bob apparently didn't like to turn on the lights during these late-night toilet adventures, so Tronaugh used the situation to misdirect his aim by the most minute push, thereby causing him to miss the toilet bowl and wake up each morning to a small puddle of his own urine beside the toilet. It was beginning to wear on his nerves.
Events were unfolding just as Dick had planned. Bob hadn't met the puppy yet; Tronaugh had kept him away for a few days per Dick's instructions. But the time for the meeting was beginning to ripen. Dick thought things were going very well indeed.
Saturday loomed. The big day. Dick was up early having breakfast and watching morning cartoons when Tronaugh and DT appeared to give him a full report.
"Nightly accident as usual. A nice pimple on his nose. And we managed to get the neighborhood cats drunk and kept them singing to the wee hours, sir!" She gave Dick a mock salute and stood at attention as much as her small and wizened frame could muster. "Subject is ready and primed to fire!"
"Good!" Dick said. "And Melissa?"
Tronaugh kept her mock military stance but DT began to caper around. "Still infatuated with the disgusting little animal, sir! We've made sure the puppy has canvassed the entire area and there is no spot in that house that has not been touched by that dog, sir!"
"Tronaugh, the military bit is a little over the top, don't you think?"
She relaxed then and grinned at him. "Find it a bit disturbing?" she asked.
"A petty disturbance," he replied grandly, waiving his hand about loftily. "Nothing to concern myself over."
Tronaugh cackled with glee. "Oh, you've got it now! You're riding high, yes indeed! Don't you think, DT?" She and her young charge began capering around together, giggling.
A smile tugged at the corner of Dick's mouth. The pair could be rather ... endearing, if you could manage to see your way past all their disgusting little habits. Dick suddenly felt a fatherly protection towards them.
rough draft of The Demon of Petty Disturbances by K. Kylyra Ameringer